Walking The Grey Shades Of Couplehood

Relationship… so much has been said about it and yet so much remains unsaid. A relationship between a man and woman in every society, culture and class is complex, wrought with contradictions and yet they come together to celebrate it in various avatars as lovers, companions, partners or spouses.

Times have changed and thoughts have changed where the sanctity of marriage only seems to be a looming banality. Already, the concept of live-in relationships is gaining ground which makes it considerably hassle free to move in and out of people’s lives and houses. But what happens to people like us who are committed with the seven sacred vows of marriage? Are we free to juggle partners or open to have a fling or two while not being seen as blasphemous morons? Well, it might be so.

 Traditionally, honesty and fidelity have been the cornerstones of a sound married life. However, I feel, with time the notions of fidelity have metamorphosed for our generation. As we speak and I write as a mature adult, we are now more open to discuss our stand on the ingress of a third individual in the space of two whether that invasion is emotional or physical. And though we might zealously debate on the validity of each stand, nobody has the right to judge it. Because really nobody is right or wrong, we are just committed to our belief system and opinions which differ drastically from person to person. 

We might not admit it but deep down we all know that in this day and time no relationship exists in the realm of black and white. They all flow along in the shades of grey. Some tide towards the darker side while others inch towards the white. No matter how long, happily and passionately married we are, attention from the opposite sex still flatters us. Some harmless flirting still excites us. And seldom but surely memories of that old sweet heart still spring up from past pockets.These feelings are natural and most new age partners sort of accommodate it as long as it is not your routine and don’t threaten the equilibrium of your present relationship. So far I would say we are faring in the white matter.

But what happens next and how partners perceive and accept it is of real interest. In a heated discussion on it, my male counterparts who are long and happily married were surprisingly quite distinct about emotional and physical intimacy outside marriage. Of what I figured out, they weren’t keen and wouldn’t establish an emotional relation with another person, but a one off physical relationship that consummates in the heat and spur of the moment is not so wrong. After all the body has its own rhythm and pulses. Predictably, my female counterparts didn’t uphold this viewpoint with much fervor. However, since my sample size was small, I shall not generalize the male and female viewpoints here. Though how every partner deals with such a queasy situation is their own prerogative (of course if the indulging partner is honest enough to confess it in the first place). Some may be understanding and forgiving, others may not be.

Now coming to the other aspect of it, the platonic emotional intimacy outside the marriage. Here you are looking for a heart to heart connect but keep it at that, no freebies attached.  Now when a wife has a heart to heart talk with her girl friend it is pretty fine and the vice versa also holds good. But when a partner although without any physical aspirations, still connects emotionally to somebody else of the opposite sex sharing their joys, concerns, victories and stresses, the parameters of understanding and acceptance are very complicated and different. The rationale and need for such liaisons may be varied but to some such emotional infidelity may be graver and more hurtful than the physical breach of a relationship. Though, I doubt if such an arrangement really exists because any emotional warming up invariably and inevitably leads to romantic drizzles.  

But the final blow is when your partner is sharing both physical and emotional space with somebody else behind your back while you are rejoicing in your naivety and ignorance. Such an act of hypocrisy, cheating and infidelity is grossly intolerable and immensely painful. In my candid opinion, no partner should take an iota of this crap and nonsense. It is simple, if you are so much in love with another person, just confide in to your partner and let each other free of a meaningless sham of togetherness. Now of course this is easier said than done, because when families and children are involved in a marriage and relationship, things aren’t that clear and straightforward after all. 

  

So what’s the deduction of our pragmatic discussion? Well, I guess we have definitely come of age where we talk so frankly and express our opinions so upfront. In our fast paced lives commitments are sort of casual, career fevers run high and sensory pleasures are much sought after and easily gratified.  Hence, indulgence and intimacy outside the marriage is no longer sacrilegious to us. More so, the uncanny nature of life sometimes makes us do things we never dreamt of or approved of.

The dynamics between every couple are very different and each is walking in some degree and shade of grey, so it is only fair that we discuss and debate but not judge another’s love triangle.